I havent really talked much about how the c-section made me feel. I know I made a post about the birth and expressed my feelings but I dont really bring it up anymore. I am tired of being told that I am lucky to have a healthy baby and basically told that my birth experience didnt really matter. It does matter.
I am left forever not remembering her birth as a wonderfully happy day. I left remembering it as a day of failure. I feel like my body failed and my drs wouldnt work to help so much and as a result I had a c-section.
I was reading through a post on another blog (which I have been avoiding due to my failure feelings with NCB) and came across a post that I like/agree with.
In hind sight, I think the doctors/hospital/nurses failed me. I think I didnt fight hard enough for what I wanted but to be honest, in the middle of extremely painful back labor, its hard to fight. And bf felt so helpless during the whole day, it was hard for him to fight.
I think I shouldnt have been induced when I was. I should have been allowed to go another week (with some monitoring of course). I think for all our science, my due date was either wrong or not appropriate for her. Susie never dropped. She was still sitting up high even until the c-section. Once we got there, the first midwife was all about the epidural. It never felt like it was about helping me have the birth experience I wanted.
"Maybe her baby really was in distress, but I suspect that the doctor didn't want such a public birth taking a chance at going sour. Given the high c-section rate in our area, perhaps he was less comfortable with (unmedicated) vaginal birth than cesarean birth. He knew he could perform a mean c-section and spin it like he saved the baby. Again, just me speculating. I do believe that she was likely another victim of our broken maternity system and doesn't even realize it. While I always advocate for women being informed of their choices in childbirth, sometimes ignorance is probably quite blissful." - I feel this applies to me.