And the week moves on

I am going to try and add small posts as often as I can.

My random musings about Susie. I feel like she is so skinny compared to all the other babies her age. A lot of them are 13-16 pounds. She is just a petite 11. I know she isnt starving. She is given as much to eat as she wants. She is just skinny. She is so cute though. It also means I dont have ot worry about her 3-6 month clothes not fitting at Christmas. I got her Christmas dress ordered off ebay. It was $6.25 which is a little more than I was hoping to pay but its a really good brand (that resells well). So when the time comes I should be able to get most of what I paid for the dress. Now all we need is an undershirt, a sweater, a headband and some tights/shoes. I am thinking it might be better to get her those tights with the shoes painted on them. I will figure out the cheapest option. I mean, she will only wear this outfit 3 times (picture day, Christmas night to dinner at bf's work, and the next night at family dinner). The other thing I still need to get is her Christmas Pjs. We are all done shopping for her. She is getting a book or two, 2 blu-ray movies, and a jumperoo. Now its just a matter for getting the gifts for everyone else.

I really need to stay within budget this year. I feel so stressed about money right now. Eric hates that we take her to daycare and if we want a #2 in like a year or so, we have to get as much into savings now while we can. We need to get a new car (to replace his car). One of us would be out of work until the youngest child is like 5. So thats about 5 years. So we have to have enough in savings to cover any emergency that could come up in 5 years. It just feels so daunting.

We started to refinance the house. It will drop our rate a little and save us $92 a month (which I will put back into the house for as long as I can).

Family time

Even with us being sick, the last two nights we did get in some family time. We put Susie in her bouncy seat. I would sit at her feet and make smiling, funny faces at her. Eric would sit at her side, and make funny faces at her. She was in 7th heaven. She would look at me, laugh and giggle. Then she would turn and look at daddy, smile and giggle. Then back to mommy. She kept going back and forth. It was so cute.

Eric learned that Susie likes for him to sing the Ewok song. I didnt even know there was an Ewok song. Apparently he knows all the "words" to it. When he sang it for her last night I could tell why it appealed to her. It was all sounds! It starts with Yubb Nubb oo bob a yuuuub nuuub.

3 months old

Susie turned 3 months old on Sunday. I cant beleive that 3 months ago I went into the hospital with a large belly, and came out with a beautiful belly. The last 3 months have had its ups and downs! She went from being a not so happy baby to being a wonderful little baby. She is all smiles and giggles now. I actually dont enjoy my job nearly as much knowing she is at daycare. I wish I could be home with her!

Baby's first cold

Susie is in the middle of her first cold! I started to notice that her nose was a little stopped up last Sunday. I took the bulb to her nose (which she hates). Then on Monday I picked her big ass boogers (my privaledge as her mom?). She was still having to breathe out of her mouth more than normal. Her breath was sounding a little raspy. She only had a small cough. That cough has slowly gotten worse as the week has gone on. Thursday, I called the ped. Her cough was more frequent. Eric took her to be checked out.

Diagnosis: Cold with the start of an ear infection. The dr was happy they caught it early. They prescribed an antibiotic for her ear infection. There is not much they can do about the coughing. They dont like giving babies cold medicines. They recommended saline spray for her nose.

I feel so bad for her. Last night she was so cuddly and slept a lot. I can tell she doesnt feel very good.

We SURVIVED!

So last week was my first week back at work. I am not gonna lie. It was hard. I was running out the door at 4pm so that I could maximize my time with Susie EVERY night. She had 2 wonderful days of bonding with Eric on Mon/Tues. He had such a wonderful time with her.

Monday - she woke up at 4:30am with mommy and decided she didnt need to go back to bed. That wouldnt have been a big deal, but daddy went to bed at 3am. So he got like no sleep. They took lots of naps together.

Tuesday - it went much better for him. They had a good time together and got plenty of bonding time.

Wednesday - Eric had a really hard time. He sent me a text at like 10am saying daycare drop off was hard. So I called him thinking he was just had a hard time getting everything together and getting her dropped off. No, he had an emotionally hard time dropping her off. She was crying when he dropped her off. He said it was hard to leave her there. I felt so bad. He loved spending the two days with her, and didnt want to leave her. I said its our incentive to get ourselves together financially. As soon as we can, I think one of us will stop working.

Thursday and Friday went better. She is starting to get used to the ladies in the room.

I keep telling myself the daycare is good for her. That she is learning some valuable lessons. But I miss her all day. I miss getting to see her face in person and hear her laugh. I miss her giggles. I even miss her crying. I have to settle for seeing her picture all day on my digital picture frame. Its not the same. I wish our society supported women to stay home longer. I wish we were a little better off financially that one of us could stop working to stay home with her.

Blog Post that I liked

I havent really talked much about how the c-section made me feel. I know I made a post about the birth and expressed my feelings but I dont really bring it up anymore. I am tired of being told that I am lucky to have a healthy baby and basically told that my birth experience didnt really matter. It does matter.

I am left forever not remembering her birth as a wonderfully happy day. I left remembering it as a day of failure. I feel like my body failed and my drs wouldnt work to help so much and as a result I had a c-section.

I was reading through a post on another blog (which I have been avoiding due to my failure feelings with NCB) and came across a post that I like/agree with.



In hind sight, I think the doctors/hospital/nurses failed me. I think I didnt fight hard enough for what I wanted but to be honest, in the middle of extremely painful back labor, its hard to fight. And bf felt so helpless during the whole day, it was hard for him to fight.

I think I shouldnt have been induced when I was. I should have been allowed to go another week (with some monitoring of course). I think for all our science, my due date was either wrong or not appropriate for her. Susie never dropped. She was still sitting up high even until the c-section. Once we got there, the first midwife was all about the epidural. It never felt like it was about helping me have the birth experience I wanted.

"Maybe her baby really was in distress, but I suspect that the doctor didn't want such a public birth taking a chance at going sour. Given the high c-section rate in our area, perhaps he was less comfortable with (unmedicated) vaginal birth than cesarean birth. He knew he could perform a mean c-section and spin it like he saved the baby. Again, just me speculating. I do believe that she was likely another victim of our broken maternity system and doesn't even realize it. While I always advocate for women being informed of their choices in childbirth, sometimes ignorance is probably quite blissful." - I feel this applies to me.